Saturday, November 11, 2017

holding pattern

I spent the last year and a half in a holding pattern. If you have known me before this time, you knew my sparkle was gone. There was a point last year when I was so scared of the future, even the next day. When everything seemed to be going wrong. Hard, sad.  Like the door shut on me and I couldn't open it. I needed to be shut in though, I needed that year to be home with Cooper. 

I lost myself in that space though. I battled the fear but I started leaning on faith. I would have days that I would drop off Cooper at school and cry all the way home. I was also holding on tight to my business, even though I knew it wasn't ever going to financially support us the way it needed to. We were starting to sink. I knew I needed to let it go but I didn't have another plan. I had spent 7 years building it, it was like a child to me.

And then I started to resent it. It started to become a stress on me and not a joyful creative outlet. This sounds negative but I think it was actually a good turning point for me. A way of letting go. I started to have this desire to just close every MCC social media outlet and just be Alison. 

I started slowly this summer with a part time job, and now with a full time marketing job. I started to find myself and let go of weights on me. Pressures and expectations of the business. I am still in a holding pattern, but the weight is slowly coming off. 

I am learning it is not only ok to let go, it is necessary. I need to pivot, let go and be ready for the next thing. Even if that next thing is finding myself again.