Sunday, June 23, 2019

s t a r t s   a n d    s t o p s 

I have been thinking about blogging again for a long time.

Something always stopped me. Either I can't find the time for it, or I wasn't open to sharing. 

Probably a little of both.

The last 3 years I have had a lot of starts and stops. Most of it not perpetuated by me, but other life circumstances. I have been learning to navigate, embrace the change, and find the lessons.

I grew up in a small town, middle class, church every Sunday family. I was a spunky little brown haired girl. Big green eyes and chubby cheeks. I was told I was always smiling, would change my clothes 10x's a day, and loved to sing and perform for anyone that would listen. 

I was a gymnast, cheerleader, runner, A- student, and on the executive committee of my sorority for 3 out of the 4 years in college. It didn't always come easy to me but I worked hard.

 I have always been a "go-getter" .

I was cute, for some reason that stuck with me. My mom told me once my sister was the pretty one and I was cute. I am 43 now and someone actually called me cute last week. Kind of funny to be called cute at my age but I guess I will take it.

Part of what I have been going through the last few years is bringing me back to the smiling kid, who loves clothes and enjoys being happy.

I had lost my "go-getter" a few years ago. 

It started to really bug me this year that I was letting myself not be grounded, in one place so I could take root. At first I was really mad about it. Maybe even angry and sad about it. I know those close to me knew it. I have never been one to rock the boat, I hate drama and you won't find me being the person to call other people out. I usually just walk away from negative people. But I started to voice my opinion and what I wanted, really for the first time in my life.

So I am in this spot now where I am navigating what I want the second half of my life to be. Without the shift and stress of the last 3 years, I don't think I would be in the place where I can do that now.

I feel like I am starting over in my career right now. It is a bit frustrating, yet exciting. I have this nagging feeling that I shouldn't have left the corporate world to run my business for 8 years. Even though looking back on it I am very proud of myself. I did everything- hiring, firing, training, accounting, marketing, sales, merchandising, lease and vendor negotiations.... and a million other things.

I was a boss-lady. But the corporate world doesn't know where to put you once you step back in it. 
Human Resources only wants to hire you based on a singular path. 

So, I am trying to figure out what I want to do for the next few decades of my career. Now that I have the "go-getter" back what do I want to be? I am thinking about taking some graduate classes in marketing and program management staring in the fall. I can get additional certifications that will accompany my BA and count toward my MBA if I ever want to finish it. But...I am not sure I want to get school loans, so I am praying about it.

My gut is telling me to hold off a bit. Enjoy the summer, start working out again, and work on my new house.

If I blog again, it will mostly be about my new house, but this is also a nice place to process my path and maybe you can relate to that more than pretty pictures.