Tuesday, November 15, 2016

whiskey or tea, a new job for me

My son's autism is getting worse. l should clarify it might not be worse but as a family we are moving in circles around it constantly. It is in the air with an exclamation point. When you live with a family member or two with autism, it is a roller coaster. You never know moment by moment, if it is going to be an ok day or a really hard day. Are we are going uphill or down. It is hard to prepare yourself for what the day is going to be like. There are so many factors in play from hormones, to the stress of a over crowded middle school, to diet, to it might just be a bad month for him.

Yesterday was Monday. Every time we even talked about school to my son this weekend, he was inconsolable in tears. Curled up into a ball. It is heartbreaking. On Monday I put my most positive pants on, I climbed into bed with him and told him he needed to get up in 5 minutes. If you have a spectrum child you are always counting down daily transitions so there are no surprises. Surprises cause meltdowns. This morning I drew him a bath thinking this would relax him. It didn't - it was one of those bad days. When it was time to get dressed he melted into noodle legs and tears. I had to carry my son to the car while he was inconsolable. I waiting in the car with him at school for 10 minutes before he could walk in.

Tuesday morning I had a tough shop experience. It was a lesson in what is most important to me and my family. My heart was at the school with my 11 year old, not in my business that morning. Really my heart is so much more at home right now than painting furniture. A negative experience puts my opinion of the importance of my business into perspective vs. my son.

We have gone round and round about what to do about  Cooper's schooling. Currently, we on the waiting list for a charter school to start in January. We have been such squeaky wheels, I would be surprised if he doesn't get it. We exhausted every option. We really wanted to send him to a private school but every school in the area has a $9000 a year tuition and we are barely making it now, so that was just not an option. This breaks my heart. It makes me feel bad for him and guilty as a mom I can't provide that for him. I just have to keep the faith we are on the right path and it will work out.

I am starting a wonderful part time job in January, for really good friends starting their own shop, along with my own shop and my design business. This is necessary for our family right now but it is also going to be a big transition. I am excited and taking it day by day.

If this year has taught me anything it is to look at what is important in life and shut out the noise. It is a lesson in faith and to try to find joyfulness in the day to day. Even when that day to day is a roller coaster.