Wednesday, November 25, 2015

t h a n k f u l

I have taken the last week to relax. It was a forced relaxing because of a back injury due to over working myself. It was my idea to have the studio event two days before a major house renovation but it knocked me on my back.

So I have been slowly putting my house back together, getting some things done at home that have been much over due. 

And I turned 40. Which doesn't really freak me out. I am looking it as a new start. I have been on such a fast ride with the new shop this last year that I have really put myself on the back burner. I understand that with the new shop, it is like starting over even after years in the business. But it has tested me on what I can handle. I haven't figured out the balance yet. It took the toll on me physically and mentally. And not because the shop isn't doing well, it has succeeded my expectations by 100 percent. I tried not working at the shop but only doing the behind the scenes stuff which I think is when my energy changed and my stress doubled.  Which was kind of the opposite of what I wanted. It is probably because I am home all the time. And my house wasn't organized the way I wanted or even clean, because I was focused on MCC during the day and my family at night. And like every season a parent has, this has been by far the most challenging year with my family. The Summer was really hard. I have to remember that the biggest reason I have the shop is to work but be available for my kids. I haven't figured out the balance yet. 

I had a ton of sleepless nights last month. I saw how successful the shop was, yet I wasn't writing myself checks {how is that for honesty, and I have been doing this for 5 years}. How could this be?And I was working 7 days a week. I was feeling wonderful about my work but not great about myself. My family needs me to make money so I need to figure it out, and I am.

So I am looking at 40 with a grateful heart. I have a plan of action to take back momentum so I can sustain the store for years to come. I am going to be there a lot more. Which I love. Retail for my personality can be hard. Especially when I am in charge of producing the pieces for the shop and all the buying. It is not always easy for me to hear the fairly constant criticism about my hours or pricing or when someone is having a bad day and takes it out on the person behind the counter. But I have also missed the feedback from the people who love the shop, which is the majority. I am not there so I don't hear it. I think it would help me to hear it.

Last Saturday the girls at the shop threw me a surprise 40th with the help of my husband. I don't know if they know how much that meant to me. I haven't had a party or celebration for my birthday since I was 13. On the drive home I was telling my husband how much it means to me to have this group of friends. There is no posturing, or wondering what someone thinks of you, or what they want from you. We all are 100 percent ourselves around each other and support each other's dreams unconditionally. It is amazing. I am so thankful for it.

And I am thankful for this year's challenges. It means I can take opportunity to learn from the challenges. It means I will be working even harder. You will be seeing me a lot more running the shop. And I have another huge endeavor almost signed off on that I am so giddy about. Just wait, it is going to be good. I want to tell you about it~ but I can't just yet!

 I hope to get a little of my happy back. I hope to write myself some checks. I hope to live in less chaos and more joyfulness. But it is really up to me. And that is a challenge I can take.

Thank you to you who have followed me on this ride!